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Understanding the Heart of Submission According to Scripture
When we hear the word “submission,” it can stir uneasy feelings, shaped by a world that often misuses and misunderstands it. Yet, when we turn to Scripture, we find that submission is not about oppression or loss of worth. Rather, it is a beautiful act of love, humility, and trust. Submission, in its true biblical sense, is a voluntary yielding—an offering of oneself in service and respect, not because one is forced, but because one chooses to walk in the way of Christ.
The Bible teaches us that all believers are called to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ (Ephesians 5:21). This mutual submission is born out of love, not fear. It is the daily decision to put others’ needs before our own, to listen with patience, to serve with a willing heart. In marriage, it means both husband and wife seek each other’s good above their own comfort or pride. Submission, when understood through the lens of Scripture, is never about one person being more important than the other. It is about honoring one another in the way that Christ has honored us—with gentleness, sacrifice, and unchanging love.
True submission is not a burden to bear but a path to deeper unity, shaped by the example of the One who knelt to wash His disciples’ feet.
The Beauty of Mutual Submission in Marriage
When both husband and wife embrace the heart of submission, marriage becomes a reflection of God’s own design for unity and love. Mutual submission is not about keeping score or demanding one’s way. Instead, it is a daily choice to lift each other up, to serve rather than to be served. In a marriage shaped by mutual submission, both partners seek the flourishing of the other, offering patience, kindness, and forgiveness without conditions.
This kind of relationship is built on a deep trust—not only in each other but in the Lord who joins them together. When both spouses are willing to listen with humility and act with selflessness, they create a home where peace can dwell and love can grow. Mutual submission honors the unique strengths and callings each person brings into the marriage. It does not erase differences but weaves them together into something stronger and more beautiful.
The beauty of mutual submission lies in the way it mirrors the love Christ has for His people. It is a love that gives freely, seeks the other’s good, and remains faithful through every season. In such a marriage, submission is no longer a word to fear but a gift to cherish—an expression of true partnership rooted in God’s grace.
Christ as Our Ultimate Example of Submission
In understanding mutual submission within marriage, we cannot overlook the profound example set by Jesus Christ. His life, teachings, and ultimate sacrifice serve as the foundation for what true submission looks like. Christ’s submission wasn’t born out of weakness or inferiority; it was a deliberate, powerful choice to humble Himself for the sake of others, especially His followers. His example offers a path for both husbands and wives to follow, showing that submission is not a matter of dominance or oppression, but a beautiful act of love and sacrifice.
The ultimate display of Christ’s submission is seen in His willingness to endure the cross. He chose to submit to God the Father’s will, even when it meant suffering and death. Jesus, though fully divine, humbled Himself to the point of becoming human, living among us, and, ultimately, giving His life for our sins. In Philippians 2:5-8, we read: “In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.”
Jesus teaches us that submission isn’t about giving up one’s worth or identity. It is about choosing to place the needs of others before our own. For husbands, this means loving their wives sacrificially, as Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:25). For wives, it means respecting their husbands and supporting them in the same way Christ humbly submitted to the Father’s will. The husband is called to submit through love and sacrifice, while the wife is called to submit through respect and support. In this mutual giving of themselves, both partners fulfill the law of love.
By following Christ’s example, both spouses learn that submission, in its truest form, is a choice to serve and to honor the other. It is not about power or control, but about love that chooses to lower oneself for the sake of the other’s well-being. The cross teaches us that real strength often comes in what may appear as weakness — a willingness to submit for a higher purpose. It is through this mutual submission that a marriage flourishes, grounded in Christ’s love for both partners.
Common Misunderstandings About Submission in Marriage
When we talk about submission in marriage, it’s important to acknowledge that many people, due to cultural influences or misinterpretations of Scripture, may have misunderstandings about what true submission looks like. These misconceptions can cause hurt, confusion, and even division in marriages if not gently corrected. The concept of submission has often been distorted, leading to ideas that contradict the loving, mutual, and voluntary nature of the biblical vision for marriage.
One of the most common misunderstandings is the belief that the wife is inferior to her husband or that her voice doesn’t matter. Some may think the wife must always defer to her husband, disregarding her own feelings, desires, or wisdom. This misinterpretation undermines the mutual respect that is central to the biblical model of marriage. The Bible never teaches that one spouse is more valuable than the other. In fact, the call for mutual respect, where both partners honor one another out of reverence for Christ (Ephesians 5:21), elevates both husband and wife as equals, each contributing their own unique strengths and roles to the relationship.
Another misconception is that respect means silence in the face of mistreatment. This is never an excuse for a spouse to endure harm or neglect in the marriage. True love involves respect and care, not tolerating any form of abuse. In situations where harm is present, respect does not call for silence or acceptance but instead encourages mutual accountability, honesty, and correction. Both partners are called to love and protect each other, which includes addressing any issue that threatens the safety or well-being of the relationship.
Some also misunderstand this concept as something that applies only to one partner. Often, it is seen as a one-sided responsibility — the wife must yield to her husband, but the husband is not expected to do the same for his wife. However, the principle in marriage is that both spouses are called to honor one another with love. For the husband, this means showing sacrificial love and leading with gentleness, while for the wife, it involves offering respect and support. Both roles are equally essential to the health and growth of the relationship.
Finally, some people misunderstand this idea as something that must be imposed or coerced. In a marriage, it should never be about controlling or manipulating the other person. It is a voluntary, loving act of humility, not something that can be forced. Both spouses are invited to act freely, out of love and respect for one another, creating a bond built on unity and grace.
By addressing these common misunderstandings, we can better understand the true nature of submission in marriage: a beautiful, mutual act of love that honors God and strengthens the marital bond.
Living Out Mutual Submission in Daily Married Life
Now that we’ve explored the biblical foundation of mutual submission and cleared up common misconceptions, the next step is to consider how to live this out practically in everyday married life. While the concept of submission may seem abstract at first, it becomes deeply meaningful when put into practice through small, everyday acts of love and care. The challenge is not only understanding mutual submission but making it a part of the daily rhythm of marriage.
One of the most powerful ways to live out mutual submission is through consistent acts of sacrificial love. This means looking beyond your own needs and considering the needs of your spouse. For a husband, this might mean prioritizing his wife’s emotional and physical well-being, even when it requires sacrifice. For a wife, this might look like showing respect for her husband’s leadership while offering encouragement and support in the areas where he may need it most. Mutual submission in this sense is an ongoing choice to put the other person first, creating a partnership built on service rather than self-interest.
Patience is another key ingredient in living out mutual submission. It is easy to become frustrated when our spouse doesn’t respond the way we expect or when our own desires are unmet. However, in marriage, we are called to be patient with each other, just as God has been patient with us. This patience involves offering grace in moments of imperfection, knowing that both spouses will make mistakes, but also trusting that through God’s guidance, those mistakes can be redeemed. In moments of conflict, mutual submission calls for understanding, listening, and seeking reconciliation, not out of obligation, but out of a desire to honor and love each other well.
Humility is another hallmark of mutual submission. As we saw in Christ’s example, submission requires us to humble ourselves and acknowledge that our spouse’s needs and perspective are just as important as our own. This humility is especially important in moments where disagreement arises. Instead of insisting on being “right,” mutual submission encourages us to approach disagreements with an open heart, willing to listen, learn, and grow. This mindset not only strengthens the marriage but fosters an environment of trust and mutual respect.
Living out mutual submission also involves self-sacrifice. It might mean doing things you don’t particularly enjoy, but doing them out of love for your spouse. It could be taking on tasks you wouldn’t usually do because your spouse is tired or overwhelmed, or making decisions that consider your spouse’s desires even when it requires a personal sacrifice. Self-sacrifice, as Jesus demonstrated, is the heart of submission — loving and giving even when it’s not easy or convenient.
Lastly, mutual submission in marriage involves encouragement. Couples are called to build each other up, to speak words of life, and to invest in each other’s growth. Whether it’s through supporting your spouse’s dreams or praying for their spiritual growth, submitting to one another in this way nurtures the marriage and helps both partners grow closer to Christ and each other.
In conclusion, mutual submission in marriage is not a one-time act but a daily commitment to love, serve, and support each other. It requires patience, humility, sacrifice, and a deep reliance on God’s grace. But when both partners embrace this beautiful call, their marriage becomes a reflection of Christ’s love for the church, a love that is selfless, unconditional, and unwavering.
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🌿May God grant you peace as you move forward with His love as your guide
Heavenly Father,
We come before You today, asking for Your guidance and wisdom in our marriages. Help us to understand the beauty of mutual submission, where both husband and wife honor and serve one another in love. Teach us to follow the example of Christ, whose humility and sacrifice were the ultimate display of true love. Grant us the patience to listen, the humility to serve, and the strength to place each other’s needs before our own. May our marriages reflect Your love and bring glory to Your name. We trust in Your grace to strengthen our bond and help us grow together in faith and love.In Jesus’ name,
Amen.
